is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
