i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize