you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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