i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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