It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
