Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
