party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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