my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
