i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
