Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
