accomplished twins. life is a go
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
