but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
