He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
