dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have tasted many bathrooms
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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