so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
