Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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