My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
