I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
