If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
