Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
