hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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