The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He shit in the fireplace
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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