i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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