While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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