tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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