he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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