I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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