How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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