i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i will never coherently bang her
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
