He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
