now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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