The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
