he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
worst night to have a conscience
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
