I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
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i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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