WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
