are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
