I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
