he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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