So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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