Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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