At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
