It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
