I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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