He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
