I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
