Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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