If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
