I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
