So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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