tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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