I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
