apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
