haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
