I think i peed on brittanys purse
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
