You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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