I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
