I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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