Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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