just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
