please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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