I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
