Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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