I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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