You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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