Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
