They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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